Doctor

A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the

Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers

the urologist is a very attractive female doctor.

The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate

today, but this new procedure is a little different from what

you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side,

bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a

deep breath and say, '99'.


The guy obeys and says, '99'!

The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your left side and

again, while I repeat the check, please take a deep breath

and say, '99.'

Again, the guy says, '99.'

The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on

your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check

your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm

going to hold on to your penis and your testicles to keep

them out of the way.

Now take a deep breath and say, '99.'

The guy begins, 'One .....................Two .......................Three.....’

Wind up in Walmart....

Scouser

A scouser walks into the job centre, marches up to the counter and say's "Hi I'm looking for a job"

The man behind the counter replies " Well weve just got a listing from a wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho duaghter. You'll have to drive around in a merceded, uniform provided. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided and you'll also be required to escort the job lady on holiday. The salary is 200k a years".

The scousers says "Your bullshitting me !"

"Well you fucking started it!" replies the man.....

Two Blokes In A Pub

Two blokes in a pub and one says to the other " I screwed your mum!"

The other bloke doesn't reply.

Again he shouts "I shagged your mum!"

The whole bar turns around to watch/ The other bloke says " Go home dad your pissed!"

Whats????

What is three foot long and keeps a cunt warm??

Blackburn Rovers Scarf!!!!!!

2 Rats

Two rats in a sewer are talking to each other. One says to the other " I'm sick of eating this shit".

The other rats says, "it's ok I've spoken to the lads were on the piss tomorrow!"