Shacks Joke Pad

***WARNING*** As the title states this is my Joke Pad. It contains jokes I have collected over the years from all different sources. This blog is for the open minded who dont take offence. If you are offended easily please look else where. This blog is not politically or morally correct it's just me having a laugh and hoping you have a laugh as well. ANY PICTURES OR JOKES YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE PLEASE SEND THEM TO- shacks247@ntlworld.com

Saturday, December 22, 2007

All The Best

MERRY CHRISTMAS & ALL THE BEST FOR 2008.

I'd like to say a MASSIVE THANKYOU to everybody who has sent me jokes, funny pictures and movie clips. Without your help this blog wouldn't be half as good.

I wont name you all, it will take too long but you know who you are and thanks again.

Regards
Shacks.

Your Letter To Santa

video

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Nursery Rhyme

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Cowboy Boots

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them,
wears them home, walking proudly.

He walks into the house and says to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room complete naked
except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today. It was hanging down
yesterday and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'

Furious, Bert yells, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN , MARGARET?'
'Nope.1 she replies.

IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS !!!!!!

To which Margaret replies ......

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. You shoulda bought a hat.'

Brains

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied

Monday, December 17, 2007


Two Drunks

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE." THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!" "DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? "WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."

HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH." " A WITCH, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?" "WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..., TAKIN MY FUCKING TEETH WITH HER."

Simple Simon

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.

Mary Had

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
...But she didn't wear that one often.

Friday, December 14, 2007

video

Sad & Happy

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine and the husband said I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time.

The wife thought and said "how much are you willing to bet?" "£100" he said

"That’s all?" inquired the wife. "Ok £200" he said

"Not too sure of yourself are you" she teased.

Feeling good the husband announced, "£500!"

So the wife smugly took a sip of her wine and said "your cocks bigger than your brothers”

Polish Immigrants

The British population were asked if the Polish immigrants were a problem?

23% said yes “it’s a serious problem”

77% said “czek bardzo mi milu gdzie djest toaldta”

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Essex Girl

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl."10???"says the council worker. "What are their names?"

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if theyare out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.

"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames !!!"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


Sunday, December 02, 2007

Raining

It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.

Humpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

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