Alright Granny

Blonde Wife

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

Tarzan

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex ?



'Tarzan not know sex' he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said ' Oh,.....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'



Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.



' She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.



'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'



Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!



Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.



Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed 'What did you do that for?'



Tarzan replied, "check for squirrel..

Towel

Some years ago Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie half his age, in a small coastal village.

After several months Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women at entitled to climax once and a while.

So to resolve the matter they went to see the Vet since there was no trustworthy Doctor in the village. The vet didn't have a clue but he recall how during a very hot summer, his mother & father would fan a cow (with a big towel) that was having trouble breeding. This would cool her down and help her relax.

So the vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they had sex. This the vet said would cause the young wife to cool down, relax and climax.

So the couple hired a young strong man. After many efforts Maggie had still not climaxed so they went back to the vet. The vet said change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the towel.

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after another for about 2 hours.

When it was over Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said "and that my son is how you wave a fuckin towel"