Sperm Bank

Smear Test

Why don't 70year old women have smear tests??

Have you every tried to pull a cheese toastie apart!!

Plumber

Just popped home and caught the plumber with his dick in the dog!

Can’t believe the police won’t do anything!

They say he’s corgi registered!!!

Friut Polos

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year school children, using a bowl of fruit Polos. He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.

The children began to say:
'Red............cherry,'
'Yellow.........lemon,'
'Green..........lime,'
'Orange ........orange.'

Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.

'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:

'Oh My God!!!! They're arse-holes!!'

R.I.P BEADLE

The Sensitive Guy

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips, he responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly.... 'Well, how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

“HELP YOURSELF TO ANY PRIZE FROM THE MIDDLE SHELF”

The Railings

Paris Hilton, Tommy Lee and Elton John were walking over a bridge.

Paris trips, and gets her head jammed between the railings. With a couple of sideways glances, Tommy Lee pulls down her panties and shags her senseless.

He stands back and says, "Your turn Elton."

Elton starts crying uncontrollably.

"What's up with you?" asks Tommy Lee.

Elton sobs, "I don't think my head will fit between the railings!".....................