First Gig

Had my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old people's home last
night.

They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.

First Time

Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for the first
time.

The proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to
wait until next pay day"

the boy replies 'that's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it anyway'

Little Larry

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked.

'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'

Little Larry

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'

After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?'

'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!