Priceless

While I was driving down the A38 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been), I passed under a bridge only to see the police on the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.

The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk asked: "Runway too short?? To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher" The copper was surprised and confused. "A rectum stretcher?? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, work to one side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"
To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge ...

"Speeding ticket: £60.00
Penalty Points: 3
Court costs: £30
Look on copper's face:Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy