Underpants

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out. "April", he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?"

She replied with a snicker. "It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!!

Brilliant

Taxi

A women in a taxi lifts her skirt and shows the driver her minge and says “can I pay with this??”

Driver looks and replies “Fuck me love, have you nothing smaller!”

News

13 yr old dad Alfie Patten as joined fathers for justice…. As he already as a Spiderman costume.

Name

What do you call a chinese girl who can lick her own fanny??

Onelong Tong!!

Pet Shop

3 parrots for sale for £200, £100 & £15.
A woman asks “why is that parrot only £15?”
The shopkeeper replies “Because it lived in a brothel and sometimes swears!”
The woman thinks this is funny and buys the parrot.
When she gets home the parrots says “Fuck me a new brothel!”
The women laughs. Here two daughters arrive home and the parrots says “fuck me new hookers” the women laugh.
The husband arrives home and the parrot says “fuck me Keith haven’t seen you for weeks.”